A popular Facebook Lady, Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna, has written a hilarious article on how she dealt with the mechanics at Ladipo market. She was accompanied by her boyfriend.
Read Her story below, as she also takes a swipe at YBL! Hilarious:
I drive in with boyfriend number 2. A swarm of mechanics chase after our vehicle like their lives depend on it. Like blood thirsty angry mobs.
I'm terrified. Never been here before. I want to reverse and run away. Boyfriend assures me that I've done absolutely nothing to warrant jungle justice. Na motor I come repair, no be thief I be.
I'm parked. They intensify their chase. I'm scared again. No! I'm not doing again. Let's continue driving our motor like that. After all, Issa small fault. Boyfriend assures me again. "Babe, these people ain't officers of the law, and if they are, you are no fugitive. So stop fidgeting unnecessarily and come down. "
Issokay. We get down. The mechanics are all smiles. Same versions of good morning, rent the air, accompanied by different talks and explanations. Everybody clamoring to talk at the same time.
"Aunty you need carburetor oil. Oil filter too. In short thorough servicing. "
"Aunty, you go need engine cover o. Stopper too dey necessary. Your own Don Commot finish. "
"Aunty you need do that your Ac. É no dey blow well well. The blower need tightening. "
"Aunty, reverse camera dey o. I also sell car decorations. Air freshener too. É be like say your own Don reduce. "
"Aunty your front light no sharp again. You go like change the bulb? New ones no good. Make we buy Belgium. "
"Aunty battery guide dey necessary o. Even door guide too. I dey sell. "
Aunty nkea.... Aunty nkeozo. Everybody is busy creating imaginary faults... convincing you, just to force out the small money you're managing out of your pocket.
Boyfriend looks at me and says... " Babe, we need that engine cover o. I don't know if this wan under this car have finish chopping. Let's buy. It's a protector. "
I refuse. the Holyspirit is our protector, we are not buying zilch! Let the engine be naked laidat. No evil shall befall us. Boyfriend keeps begging.
Okay, at this point, lemme agree. Let it not be like this girl cannot make a good wife. Her heart is strong like monkey bum bum. Let it not be... So I agree.
I call the engine cover guy. Guy says we paying 28k. Twenty eight thousand??? What I'm I covering? The blood of Jesus is the highest covering. The highest sacrifice. Please leave the engine laidat.
Uncle explains further, boyfriend supports him. I lose the battle and he smiles sheepishly. Boyfriend negotiates with him eventually, gives him money, and goes to relax at a spot.
Engine cover mechanic waits for me to join boyfriend to relax, I refuse. I continue standing at his back. Watching his every move. He loses some stuffs from under the vehicle, removes some clip -like things and drops them on the floor. I pick them up. And hold on tightly to them too.
Engine cover guy is fed up. "Madam, go na. Gosidan for one place. Or you go join Oga. Woman sef no dey come this place. Na Oga do mistake. "
I pretend like he's talking to his ancestors. He gets up, carries the engine cover and leaves. Then comes back shortly with what looks like my original cover and begins to fix. I pretend like blind Bartimeus.
Okay he fixes for a while and begins to complain his newly bought clips are missing. I pretend to be deaf this time. He comes out, exhibiting one kain frantic theatrical display. Wetin concern me? Still on my deaf and blindmode. I kuku added dumb.
Then he turns to me: "Madam Abeg check well. É be like say na you carry the clips wey I just buy. Abeg gimme I wan use am. "
I pretend. He repeats again. This time with a touch of annoyance. I act dumb.
Engine cover guy rushes to where boyfriend is sitted to complain about his Clips and warn him never to bring a woman to the market Again.
Boyfriend begs me to give him back his clips. Quiet person. I don't know why God loves sending calm men my way.
Okay fine. I agree. I'm a Christian woman. Clips are nothing. But firstly, he must produce the initial engine cover. That first one he loosened out with its own clips too. Boyfriend agrees.
Engine cover guy begins to sweat profusely. "Madam.... No be like this them dey do something o. You too wicked. Camdan make me and your Oga discuss. "
My Oga ke? I shine my eyes like an angry or almost mad market woman, grab the belt line of his trousers and shake well like the directions given on a cough syrup bottle before drinking. Shake well.
Then I stamp my feet hard on the ground, raising dust. While vibrating like an epileptic patient.
"Oga, if you no give me my money, fix my engine cover back before I close my eyes now, you go see Wakanda! Na tyre them go use burn you for here!!!"
People gather. Cover guy is forced to give me my money. I snatch it off his hands like an angry house wife. I also hand him the clips. He couples back my cover for me.
And you know the rest...
"Ashewo...forking machine..... Beach... Etc follows. "
I don't care. Boyfriend reads my eyes and ignores too. I'm a celebrity. I cannot coman be seeing my name on blogs and papers with captions like : "celebrity shuts down Ladipo market over being called prostitute. "
That's for the papers o... Those ones have sense.
If na those yabaleft blogs, forget!!! They will rush and conjure one of my picture from their archives, and be like:
"Prostitute Facebook celebrity exposed at Ladipo !!! « See details."
Not today Lord. God forbid! Not today.